April 4, 2020

The Square Grand

Time for a little sharing.

I have been writing The Square Grand in one form or another for about a decade.  Some years I work really hard on it, and there have been other years where I was too busy living life to write.  But the years where I didn’t put a new word on the page were the years I needed to grow as a person.  The tumult and pain of any life, no matter how privileged and easy, is still going to contain heartbreak.  Some people get that pain out of the way early, and I guess both congratulations and I’m sorry…?

I could not have written my current draft as the person I was when I started.  When I was a kid taking piano lessons, my piano teacher was trying to get me to play a certain passage with emotion.  I was your typical straight A kid: obsessive with her need to please.  I mimicked everything he did, but the magic wasn’t there.  He said, “That’s okay.  You haven’t fallen in love yet.”

I thought, That’s dumb, I love my parents.

I was twelve, I think.

A decade later, the first night I stared at the ceiling above my bed all night, not sleeping because of heartbreak, then finally getting up because my pillow was too wet from tears, I thought of what my piano teacher had said.  It was a small, wry moment where I thought, I bet I could play that now with the proper feeling. 

Same thing with The Square Grand.

As I write this, I have my current draft, which I swear to you is the final one, which is the draft after the last one that I swore was my final one.  Funny how the work keeps cropping up.  But I suppose that is everyone’s favorite word to hate: Perseverance.

Books are work.  Writing is hard.  Love is both of those things, and we all seem to want that.

[Insert favorite inspirational cat picture here]

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